I swore I never would…

Before you become a parent, you have a very specific list of the way you definitely will, and definitely won’t, bring up your children. This list will be an amalgamation of things your parents did, things your friends have done, things you have observed complete strangers do in Sainsbury’s, and things you have read about or seen on Supernanny.  But then you become a parent, and all of that goes out the window in a matter of (I’d like to say weeks, but I’ll be honest) days.  Here are the Big Four things I swore I’d never do, and in fact do regularly because I live in the real world.

[1] Dummy: Fig hates going to sleep because he’s afraid he’ll miss something, even though I’ve told him I’ll wake him if anything interesting happens. He lets us know he doesn’t want to go to sleep by crying very loudly and wriggling every arm, leg, finger and toe he possesses to stop himself falling asleep. We discovered fairly quickly that a dummy soothes him. He sucks like Maggie Simpson for thirty seconds, then falls fast asleep despite his best efforts to stay awake.  His dum-dums (one a panda, one a tiger, one with a car – his brum-brum dum-dum) and one a dog (his doggy dum-dum) are now mummy and daddy’s best friends.  I now have in mind that he won’t have his dum-dum after his first birthday.  I’ll let you know how that goes.

[2] TV:  I know, at this age, he is just compelled by the lights and faces (I assume this, as he loves the News, and I’m guessing he doesn’t get the subtleties of world affairs) but I hate myself for occasionally plonking his bouncy chair in front of the telly to give myself ten minutes for a wee and a cuppa. Swore I’d never do it.  Do it.

[3] Phone apps: I don’t want him to be one of those kids who sit on trains and buses staring at their phones and not having any idea what’s going past outside the window.  So I was adamant he wasn’t going to even look at a phone until he was twenty four. But I’ve already downloaded a couple of apps, and I have to say, he loves the one that shows pictures of animals and makes their noises.  Surely that’s just educational, right?  Right?  It doesn’t make me evil, does it? Oh god…

[4] Kindle: Not for him, for me. I’m a bibliophile. Our cottage is stuffed with books. I read all the time. Or I did. Till Fig. But I can’t hold a weighty Dickens and turn the pages with half a hand. So I’ve given in, and done the one thing I was absolute about.  I’ve got a Kindle.  In becoming a mother, I’ve lost my very essence…

I’m sure this list will expand and expand as the months go by.  But hey, who needs principles, eh?


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